It’s been in the undercurrent of tech news the last few weeks that over a hundred CompUSA stores are closing nationwide. I think I’ve mentioned it on the air before, but CompUSA was my first “real” job; I checked Rex’s site today and noticed that store 267 is on the chopping block. I can’t say I’m too sorry to hear it, but it does suck that all those people who are still working there will lose their jobs. Actually, that’s not really a bad thing, the people still working there almost a decade later really need to move on with their lives. Interested in confessions of a former CompUSA employee? Here’s the story of my first job, and some things you should know about tech retail:

I did my damnedest to get in there; my friends were working at Best Buy a few doors down, but for whatever reason I picked CUSA. I even lied about my age so they would hire me. I started as cashier (which is the second worst job ever), but moved to checking in computers for repairs (which is the first worst job ever — all the worst elements of cashiering but you get to deal exclusively with freaked out pissed off people whose computers just died. Lots of yelling at you.). The goal was to try to work as a repair tech, since that’s what I was best at. It was highly cliquish though, and the older, curmudgeonly techs didn’t want some hotshot teenager horning in on their territory. So I worked the perimeter of the repairs department until I finally got put in charge of the upgrades center, which is were you bought high end graphics adapters, memory, CPUs, drives, and, oddly, the very first generation of portable digital audio devices. I remember being so obsessed with the PMP300 that I would listen to music while helping customers. Ok, well, working there and being passed over and lied to about raise after raise kind of made me a grumpy ass, so that also had something to do with it, too.

Toward the end almost no employees there cared at all about technology; it was getting strangely hard for people to get in, and most everyone who worked there only did so because their pal got them hired. Everyone always sent customers to me — even if I was at the register — to answer tech questions. My career ended after about a year and a half when, during a period of quickly waning interest, I left a stack of ZIP disks on the counter overnight. Bad mistake, apparently. I think they smelled blood in the water, since the next day I came in to work and was asked to collect my belongings. I was practically glowing to be out of that caustic environment; the only time I was that happy about any kind of work arrangement was quitting my job years later to work at Engadget full time. That was rad.

So yeah, you can say I’m not too bummed that CUSA is dying. They are an anachronism in tech retail, and they treat their customers poorly, and their employees worse.

Things worth noting about tech retail (specifically CompUSA)

  • The sales people are in general, as you’d expect, totally sleazy. No one should walk into a CUSA and buy a computer, that’s just ridiculous. Besides the retail premium, you’ll get hassled into being upsold on everything from accessories to the evil, awful, terrible extended warranty plans.
  • Yes, the extended warranty plans were a total joke. Half the time they didn’t cover your repairs or purchases. Sometimes you had to deal with deductibles. I’d say 80% of the time consumers had trouble with them. Things may have changed for the better, but if you must buy an extended warranty for your $500 computer (why??), buy it from the manufacturer.
  • The amount of cash you have to spend for simple upgrades and repairs is absolutely bonkers. $90 to install a second hard drive? Or more RAM? That takes 5 minutes, it’s a scam. People often wanted me to do it for them “after hours” at a cut rate price; I did a few times, but CUSA was serious about firing people who were taking repair work and upgrades from the store, so I kept it to a minimum. Were I a dishonest man, I could have made a killing.
  • Margins for accessories at computer stores are insane. In… sane… Cables are the worst though. For example, a $20 Belkin USB cable costs the store between $1 and $3, the rest is pure markup. Yeah, we’re talking like 1000% markup. A high quality 50-foot CAT5e cable that costs $40 costs the store no more than $4. I kid you not. This is a Very Evil Thing they do with accessories. Buy online.
  • As I said before, don’t trust your local salesperson. They typically don’t know much more about tech than your average user — those that do aren’t usually stuck working the floor for $7 an hour. When asked for a recommendation, these people will typically just point you to whatever sells the best, or whatever they’ve been told needs more units sold.
  • Watch out for opened units. Although we had a shrinkwrap machine in the back, my store was generally very good about not putting stuff back on the shelves. But a LOT of retailers re-shinkwrap items which may or may not be defective. Be careful when buying! Look for authentic shrinkwraps and box seals.
  • Don’t worry so much about open-box cables though. Cables are very reliable; generally when those make it onto the floor, it’s because even when the price is slashed, the margin is still very sweet. If you can’t buy your cables online for cheap, look for the open-box cables.
  • The retailer typically doesn’t have much or anything to do with rebate promotions — those are usually set up by the manufacturer whose goods are being “discounted”. They love not to fulfill rebates since that kills their margins. Rebates have gotten better, but they’re still often a nightmare. My advice: assume you won’t get the rebate, be comfortable with the purchase price and consider the rebate a bonus. If you’re not then you’ll be in for a surprise when your $500 computer ends up costing you $1000 — and months of headaches and waiting — after all.
  • My favorite part about that place was the crazy, random gadgets they’d get. Stores didn’t have uniform stock lists like, say, Best Buy, so some regional buyers would send over a crate of totally weird, random things you couldn’t get anywhere else. Chris Ziegler says his local store stocked, of all things, Moto Mings. I don’t doubt it.

So, what was your first job all about?